CocoaJava: Um, Haldir? Faramir's mun here....
Haldir: *eyes you carefully* *doesn't say anything*
CocoaJava: *extremely nervously edges into the room, back against the wall* Can we talk?
Haldir: *steely eyes* Alright...
CocoaJava: *stays right where I am opposite the room from you* Don't blame Faramir. It wasn't his fault.
Haldir: *quietly* Oh? Do you know what it is like to be left alone for months on end, not touched? Not touched save ennuendo? Having to go to him because he will not come to me? Then to have him furious when I have gone to Eomer for solace, when he has shared Karl's bed?
CocoaJava: *shaking quietly* Yes. I do. I feel what he feels, I hear his cries. All the time. Day and night. I had a reason, and I learned just a few days ago that my reason was faulty. If it helps you, I've been in hell ever since.
Haldir: Self-flagellation does not help. *very quietly* What helps is if I have Faramir back.
CocoaJava: You do. He's completely yours again. I am placing his needs above my own now. Haldir, how well do you know your mun?
Haldir: Well enough, I suppose...*eyes you again* The needs of the writer should always come above our own, however. We may be difficult, but you are the writer. Find a balance, if the string is too tight it will snap, but if it is too loose, it will not play. Remember that.
CocoaJava: *softly* I know that now. I saw her stretched so thinly, it pained me. I stepped well back, telling myself she meant more to me than my own needs. I stepped back too far. And I didn't realize the full scope of my actions. I'm here to beg your forgiveness, and ask you to forgive Faramir. I pushed him to that madness.
Haldir: *watches you quietly for a long time before giving a slight nod* You have been frustrated, and that I think Faramir took on. It was wrong to take something that never happened as something that did. When I went to Eomer I did not expect to be with Faramir for a long time to come. It happened before Faramir and I were to see each other after so long. I would not have gone to Eomer otherwise, gone to his mun through mine, in need. *pauses, lifts head a little higher* I was hoping to continue when I needed Faramir to stop, that night. The talk with Karl was not in character, if it is still possible I would like to continue it. Your reasons were just. I can forgive you as I can forgive Faramir because he was driven to that madness. *quietly again* I would have left to Lorien if he had killed Eomer, yes. There are some things that are unforgivable, and that is one that both elves and men cannot. I am glad he was not driven to that. *excasorbated* ... Humans are very frustrating sometimes, I have found.
CocoaJava: We are very frustrating. Possibly more to ourselves than anyone else... Faramir has pushed me, wanted to be with you, needed you so much. I told him he needed to wait, and he's tried to do what I asked. *voice shaking, starting to have a hard time talking* He's been utterly, completely miserable and I just kept telling him we both needed to do this for your mun's good. I'm a lousy excuse for a mun, at times, and Faramir might deserve a better one. But I don't think any mun could love him more that I do, even though I have odd ways of showing it. *slides to sit on the floor, leaning on the wall* The Karl talk was out of character, I will agree. As was your time with Eomer, until I made it real. *tears burning me* I can't believe I made that -real-. Damn me.
Haldir: I've been with Eomer before...I think...you should be asking Eomer for your forgiveness, not I. He has been used poorly. I needed release, and he willingly gave it to me, and I did enjoy it...he pleased me, and I think he would please Faramir if yourself and his mun did but take that chance. *sad smile* And I hope you both may, because I do not enjoy seeing Faramir in pain because he cannot have Eomer, and I do not enjoy seeing Eomer in pain as well. It is real now, what happened, but all we can do, all Faramir can do...not you, is seek his forgiveness for the reaction that Faramir made towards him. And Eomer is human. It may take a little while, but there is always hope of forgiveness from him, he is a good man. Not perfect, but he is a good man, just as Faramir is not perfect, but he does have a good heart. *small smile* That is indeed what second-born are gifted with, yes? Hope? I think my own mun loves me, very much, as much as she curses me, I think she does care for me. *quietly again* Faramir should never change muns, you are him are bound just as much as Eomer is to his and I am to mine. As Luthien is to hers as well. *moves to pull you into a hug, blinking back his own tears and closing his eyes, face expressionless*
Haldir: My mun sometimes does say some things I think are intelligent, a rarity but true. One is that when something happens, all you can do is try to deal with what has happened and not remain in the past, greiving a mistake. That you must simply pick up the peices and keep moving, because time stands still for no one. It takes time, but things can be better. I think that is the balance to the gift of hope that men have, that we know patience, elves. And patience may be what is needed. No quick resolution. *pauses to look at you* I may still be angry with you, but I do understand your reasons. I need Faramir right now too badly to be angry with him, but I will talk with him, have no doubt of that. *hard glint* If this is to have happened, then he made a very poor mistake that was not fair to either myself or Eomer, and though I forgive him, I will not stop being hurt simply because of that forgiveness. *pause* I think he wants me to hurt him in return, and that is something I cannot do. *long moment of silence* Watching Faramir grow jealous, angry with Eomer...I did not like that. And it was confusing, and it hurt that he would do that when he has left me alone by your will for so long. That he should desire Eomer so badly and yet does not touch me. That /hurt/. Very much so. And I admit my first reaction was that I should find Halbarad and Nadiyah and leave to Eriador immedietally. I did not understand why he would react as badly as he did, it was troubling and unexpected. Leaving for a time seemed the only course I could take, but my mun convinced me otherwise. And...I think she would not have been very happy doing that, I would not have as well. I think...the one you must speak to is Eomer, and RedPanda as well, perhaps. Seek his forgiveness.
CocoaJava: *complete and total shock at being hugged instead of slapped to the ground* I'm glad you didn't leave for Eriador. I would have lost him completely if you had, he's barely speaking to me as it is, now, and that would have silenced him forever. I am sorry that you were so hurt by Faramir's draw towars Eomer. While he enjoys Eomer's company and friendship, he does not truly desire him. I know his heart in this. It was you he wanted all along, only you, always you. Um... Can I explain it like this? Faramir is a river, and you are the river's bed. You two belong together, you fit, perfectly. When I interfered, I dammed the river, and it was forced to find another path. Eomer was the closest valley to the original river, and he was a good man, Faramir already felt comfortable with him. He already loved him, in a different way.
CocoaJava: Faramir does hold a love for Eomer, but it's a different form. It's a love born out of concern, caring, worry, fretting, exasperation, anger... there's probably more rolled up in there, but that packet of emotion he carries for Eomer exists strongly. I think... I think it needed to take a form of some sort, and it did, as love for the man, since there was no other logical way for it to become a part of him. *carefully extricates myself from the elf's embrace, feeling this is not my place in his arms, but anothers*
CocoaJava: I have spoken with RedPanda, and I think we will be okay. We understand each other more now, and I took the time to question her about some matters that have bothered me, as well. I have proposed some compromises in how we interact, and have settled my mind on things that can or cannot come to be. We are clearer now on each others needs. *nervously, backing away very slowly* If she feels Eomer wishes to speak with me, I am willing. Although, I will admit he scares me more than you do, and you scare me quite a bit.
Haldir: *slightly amused, looking up at you as you back away* I am pleased to know you both are working out what has been so troubling. And it would be good if you speak to Eomer, to have his own mun there, or perhaps someone else. He does have a temper. *resting comfortably on the floor* But I think you should speak to him. And Faramir as well. *pause* I hope you understand I have no problem with Faramir loving Eomer, I love him much the same as Faramir does.
CocoaJava: *nods quietly* I understand. I've always thought there was something good about Faramir, Haldir and Eomer, as a team. Maybe it's because all your names end in R. Um, that was a joke. *taking a deep breath, tenatively reaching out and wincing a little as I take your hand in mine* Faramir is very touched by the love you show Eomer. When everything is in good balance, when the three of you are just allowed to be yourselves without interference... it's worked, in the past. Faramir knows he has your love, not as a brother, but as his bondmate. *small smile* I have to pinch him daily to remind him he's not dreaming.
*realizing I'm still holding your hand, letting go of it quickly and re-composing myself* You know... we could probably talk all night, but perhaps we understand each other better, and maybe there's someone else you'd rather be spending time with? Unless you still would like to kick my butt or give me a nice black eye or something. *waits quietly, watching you*
Haldir: I think you have done enough to yourself, and I do not like pointless violence very much. My mun can attest to that, she is the one...and I, who formed my past. *eyes twinkling* If you like, perhaps Eomer would oblige your needed violence. And I am glad that Faramir knows he is not dreaming, I would gladly remind him of this as often as my mun may allow it. Right now yes, I would like to spend time with him, I think we do understand each other, now.
CocoaJava: Then, I think the best thing for me to do would be to slip out of here, and back to the realm I belong in. This is Faramir's world, and I will let him roam freely in it, as much as he needs to. I won't hold him back. Thank you, Haldir.
Haldir: *nods gravely, hoping he doesn't seem to cliche doing so* You are welcome. And thank you, as well.